I have not updated in a few months, and for those people that actually read this, I apologize. I wanted to take a step back, away from this, and actually decide if I wanted to write a blog, or if I was trying to feel important in some strange, absurd way. Do I really want to blog? Not so much for other people, but I really need a log of sorts for myself, of how I feel about a variety of things, so I shall continue. And I’ve had so much recently pop up in my life, that I feel I should write it down for the sake of keeping my thoughts in order.
Columbine. Strikes a nerve with many of you, doesn’t it? I know that it does. Whether you were personally affected (lost someone you knew) or were upset and angry at the idea in general (like many people I know were; I don’t live in or near Littleton, Colorado), you have some emotions towards this incident. On April 20, 1999, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, of sound mind and with no actual trigger, set off to their high school to not only kill, but decimate the place. They managed to get 12 students and 1 teacher, which was so much less than they had intended. Their intent? As much of the 2,000 student population as possible. They had bombs set up, but Eric had never bothered to actually make sure that the fuse and detonator were set properly in either the cafeteria and their cars. They committed suicide in the library roughly an hour after they began their spree.
My thoughts on this? I don’t want to sound overly morbid, or make it sound as if I like the idea, but a part of me is curious as to what would have happened had the bombs been set right. Would it really have killed the 500+ students in the cafeteria during that moment in “A” lunch? I believe it would have, and the numbers would have been staggering. I’ve written a book (that I’m currently editing again) about a school shooting, and I’ve always been sickly fascinated with the idea. Not that I would do it, but more with how a person of sound mind can suddenly decide that other people are not worthy of their lives.
How do murderers come into existence?
Of course, this is the now famous “nature vs. nurture” argument. Were they born that way? Or did years of some sort of abuse or trauma turn them into what they became? Is it their genetics or society? Personally, and this is a generalization because it is always case by case, I think it’s a mixture of both. Genetics can make a person predisposed to violence, but pressures and abuse can trigger those feelings to erupt, causing them to put a gun to their head, or worse, someone else’s. Many mass murders I’ve looked into seem to be a result of both pressure from society/family/friends and a genetic mutation already present in them. I think sociopaths and psychopaths are born, not made. Murderers are often made.
But this, of course, is my perspective. Everyone has different ideas, and everyone has their own beliefs. Mine come from a purely agnostic, politically apathetic, female of a decent enough upbringing and social status. I was never abused, I was never so dirt poor that I went without food or shelter, and I was never the target of school bullies. I knew people in those situations, but that is as close as I ever got to experiencing certain things firsthand. Instead, I create stories and have my characters live through them. I think it’s my way of creating lives I never had, never wanted, but always knew about. I wasn’t hidden to abuse, both physical and mental, and talk of drugs wasn’t forbidden. I know, and I always have. I’m just choosing now to express my knowledge in some way. This blog is a part of this expression. As is my writing. We’ll just have to see where it all leads me, won’t we?
--
B.K.
